Portal: What If?
by GLaDOS314
Summary: What if all of the Portal characters were human? What if they had to go through school just like us? Going from middle school to college, this hilarious group of friends try to stop a top secret conspiracy while still graduating with honors. Rated T because I'm paranoid.
1. Chapter 1

It was the first day of middle school, and I was mad.

_Why can't I go to some other school or something? _I signed to my Mom. Sign language. The pride and joy of mute people.

"Because I told you that you came start going to the public schools when you're in ninth grade. You're going into sixth. Why don't you want to go to the school here?" Mom said.

_The principal is scary. The older kids say she's evil and punishes students for no reason. _I signed.

"I've heard that Gladys Doskie is a fine principal. She won't punish you unless you do something wrong. Now let's go. You're going to be late for the bus," Mom led me out the door. I was going to a new school. We had moved to Hartford, Connecticut, from Michigan early in the summer, so I didn't know very many of the kids my age.

I got onto the bus, unsure of where to sit.

"Hey, You can sit here," a boy with bright blue eyes said to me. I often had a tendency to notice peoples' eyes when I first met them. I sat down. " 'ello. My name's Wheatley. I'm new, too," he had a strange accent when he spoke. He ran his hand through his bright red hair, trying to smooth down the unruly mess it was. He epicly failed. I got out a small whiteboard and a dry erase marker from my backpack.

_I'm Chell, _I wrote, _I can't talk, so I have to write what I want to say here. _If there was one good thing about being mute, it was that I was a terrific speller.

"Wow. I've never met someone who can't talk before," he was beaming. "where'er you from?"

_I used to live in Michigan, _I said.

"Where's that. Is it in the USA?" Wheatley asked.

_Yea, _I wrote.

"I'm from Great Britain. It's another country that's across the ocean," he said.

_Cool, _I wrote. A few minutes later, the bus arrived at the school. We were directed to the auditorium. I could see the principal standing on the stage. A girl came over from a group. She had dyed her hair orange, which was the same color as her eyes. She was, without a doubt, wearing colored contact lenses.

"You two are the new kids, right?" she asked.

"Yea," Wheatley answered.

"I'm Marie Curie. I was named after a famous scientist," Marie smiled at us, "What are your names?"

"I'm Wheatley Carpenter," Wheatley said.

_I'm Michelle Whitaker, but I prefer to be called Chell, _I wrote on my board.

"Why did you write on a board instead of talking? Are you mute?" Marie asked.

_Yep. I've never been able to talk. _I wrote.

"What's it like being mute? Craig told me that mute people can only communicate using sign language, but Lisa said he was lying," she was a bucket of questions. I don't think I'd ever heard someone pack so many questions into that short a time span before. "Oh yea. I forgot. I came to invite you two to sit with us at lunch. We can show you everything you guys need to know."

_Sure, I'll come. _I wrote. I couldn't say no to such a cheerful person.

"I'll come, too, then," Wheatley said. We then found spots in the auditorium to sit. The principal was going to speak soon.

"Is that the headmistress?" Wheatley asked.

_That's the principal. What's a headmistress? _I wrote.

"The lady who runs the school."

_Oh. In America, that's called the principal. _I corrected him.

"Thanks," he said. The person next to us shushed us. Then, Mrs. Doskie started. It was the first time I had really gotten a good look at her, and I could see why people were scared of her. She didn't look very old, but her hair was completely white. So was her skin, and her eyes were a creepy shade of yellow.

"Hello and welcome to the Aperture Middle School For Gifted Children. I am looking forward to a new year, and I hope you all do, too. I must warn you, though, misbehaving will not be tolerated within these halls. As long as all of you adhere to the rules, I am sure this will turn out to be a wonderful year for all of us. All of you please applaud for the founder and CEO of Aperture Science Innovators, the company that provides our funding, Cave Johnson," the principal said. We all clapped and a man stood up on the stage. "When you exit the auditorium, find your name on the piece of paper taped to the wall. It will tell you your homeroom teacher, who will give you all your schedules. I wish you all good luck,"

When we got to the paper attached to the wall, Wheatley and I found out that we had the same homeroom. It said Ms. Caroline McLain, room 11. We both went up together.

"Hello. I am Ms. McLain," she said once everyone had arrived. "Can each of you come up and introduce yourself. Just say your name and something interesting about yourself. Who wants to go first?" Wheatley volunteered to go.

"My name is Wheatley Carpenter, and I used to live in Great Britain," he said. One by one, the others introduced themselves. I was last. I decided to sign to them in sign language instead of writing it on the board.

_My name is Michelle Whitaker, and I am mute, _I signed. Most of the class stared.

"How interesting, Michelle," Ms. McLain said.

_You know sign language? _I signed.

"Yes I do. You should probably repeat it on the board. I did, adding that I had been using sign language. Afterwards, the teacher handed out schedules. I went to Wheatley to compare.

"We have science as homeroom and math together it looks like," Wheatley said.

_And Spanish, _I wrote on my board.

"Can you teach me sign language?" he asked.

_Sure, _I signed.

"I hope that meant 'yes,'" he said. We went to our specific classes, the day mostly meant for getting to know the teachers and other students. Then came time for lunch.

"Lets go find Marie. She said we could sit with her group of friends. Hopefully they like us," Wheatley started rambling. I saw her and pointed in her direction. We went to her.

"Look, it's Chell and Wheatley," Marie said. "I told you guys they would come."

There were a bunch of people at the table. There were three blue-eyed kids that looked rather similar. Then there was another boy taking a nap. A pair of identical twins wearing blue and pink sat furthest away. They both had brown eyes and strawberry blonde hair. The girl in pink had a heart barrette. The girl in blue had blue highlights in her hair. There was another boy who looked really hyper and a calm girl with an all-knowing look to her, as if she knew the secrets of the world.

"So you know me already. The boy taking a nap is Richard, but we all call him Rick. The identical twins are Sarah, in the blue, and Clara, in the pink. Then there's Craig, Lisa and Mya. They're triplets. This is Neil, the spaz and Orlena, who doesn't talk much," Marie said smiling.

" 'ello. I'm Wheatley and this is Chell," Wheatley said.

"Nice to meet you," the twins said at the same time.

"For some reason, this school seems to be graced with an exorbitant amount of twins and triplets," Lisa said.

"We should probably advise you to stay away from the Doskie twins, though. They're the daughters of the principal," continued Mya.

_Why does the principal look so funny? _I wrote on my board.

"Fact: The principal is albino," said Craig.

"Well… only partially albino. Her eyes are yellow, not red. I think it has something to do with a medication she's on. They used to be amber, which is a natural color that is like a yellowish brown. The twins are completely albino, though. No pigment whatsoever," Lisa said. "Are you mute?" she continued.

_Yea, _I wrote on my board.

"The Doskie twins are pretty much the ringleaders of the bullies. They each have sort of a reluctant personal bodyguard. You can tell who's in their inner circle by their clothes. Those in the inner circle wear white shirts and pants with red stripes on the cuffs. Anyone else in their group wears all white. Their group is officially known as the Martial Arts Club by the teachers, but everybody knows that they're bullies. The only bully who stays outside of them is Alexander, the twins older brother. He's also albino and has serious anger management issues," Marie said.

_What do you mean by 'sort of a reluctant personal bodyguard?_ I wrote.

"Well, they pretty much threatened the Bot twins into always being around to protect them or whatever if things get hairy. Emilene's got Penelope and Amarinda has Aaron, though everybody calls him Atlas.

"Is there anything else we need to know before school really starts?" Wheatley asked.

"Yes, one more thing," Sarah said.

"Be careful around Doug," finished Clara.

_Who? _I wrote.

"Doug Rattmann. He's one grade above us. He's really nice but also slightly off his rocker," said Marie.

"He has a condition called schizophrenia. It's incurable, but he takes anti psychotic medication," said Lisa. "He generally eats by himself and has no actual friends. Everyone other than the bullies are nice to him, but also kind of scared of him."

"Space!" Neil suddenly yelled. Everybody rolled their eyes. '

"He's always doing stuff like that," said Marie.

The rest of the lunch period commenced with more eating. Marie asked me an endless stream of questions, while Wheatley proceeded to try to wake Rick up. We had just gotten here, and already this group of friends had welcomed us and accepted us as their own.

**Author's Note: Hello. I know this is something that has been seen before, but I thought it would be fun. Here's a list of which character is which because I can never figure it out unless the names are really obvious. **

**Chell-Chell**

**Wheatley-Wheatley**

**Marie-Curiosity**

**Mya-Morality**

**Craig-Fact**

**Lisa-Logic**

**Neil- Space**

**Richard(Rick)- Rick **

**Clara- Companion Cube**

**Sarah- Regular Cube**

**Orlena- Oracle Turret**

**Alexander- Anger**

**The Martial Arts Club- Turrets**

**Aaron (Atlas)- ATLAS**

**Penelope- P-Body**

**Emilene Doskie- Turret (in charge)**

**Amarinda Doskie- Turret (in charge) **

**Principal Gladys Doskie- GLaDOS**

**Ms. Caroline McLain- Caroline**

**Cave Johnson- himself**

**Rattmann- himself**


	2. Chapter 2

The first month of school was almost over. We were all getting ready for October and Halloween. The Student Council Sign Ups were also today.

"Is anybody planning on signing up for Student Council? I know I am. That's the best way to know what's going on in this school," Marie said at lunch one day. "It's also the best way to try and get rid of the bullies," she looked straight at Wheatley and me. We had been confronted by the Doskie twins and Atlas and Penelope yesterday, and it was not an experience either of us wanted to go through again.

"I was gonna," Rick said, his bright green eyes flashing with excitement. It wasn't hard to get Rick excited. He saw everything as his next big adventure.

"Do we get to see space? If so, then I'm in. I'm probably in anyway," Neil had ADHD, which was why he was always so spastic. Marie had a mild case of it, but it was nowhere near what Neil had. We were also pretty sure that Orlena had Asperger's Syndrome, but nobody was sure.

"I have an idea. Let's all sign up for Student Council and whoever gets in will keep the rest of us informed," Marie said.

"Agreed," Sarah and Clara said at the same time.

"It's a good idea, and it'll be fun," said Lisa.

"Fact: Student Council is in charge of the activities," all of us interpreted Craig's answer as a yes.

"I think I'll try, too. Just be careful not to let this turn into a competition. It's for fun," Mya added. We all agreed to sign up. Even Orlena. As soon as it was agreed, we all went to the main office to sign up. We saw Louie, one of the kids in my homeroom, sitting in a seat.

"What did you do this time, Louie?" Marie asked. Leave it to her to be the first one to ask.

"Nothing. It was Atlas. He was picking on me and I yelled at him," he replied. Louie was the kind of kid who got along with almost everybody but never quite fit in with any particular group of people. He had a skewed sense of humor sometimes, but the only people who didn't like him were the teachers, because he tended to get into trouble, and the Doskie twins' inner circle.

"You know it's not his fault. He and his twin sister like the Doskies about as much as you," said Mya.

"Yea, you have a point," Louie said.

When we went to the sign up sheet, we saw that a bunch of older kids had already signed up, including the Doskie twins, the Bot twins and Andrew. We all signed our names on the list.

_I hope we get in, _I signed. I had started to teach the others basic sign language, and they had picked it up fairly fast. Especially Lisa and Marie.

"You want a banana?" sadly, Wheatley hadn't.

"No, moron. She said something about getting in. I think," said Marie.

"That wasn't very nice," Mya said.

"It was just a joke," Marie defended herself.

"I really don't mind. It's actually kind of funny once you think about it," Wheatley said.

Then, the bell rang for the end of lunch.

**Author's Note: sorry about the short chapter. I wanted to introduce Louie, who is the defective Turret, because I forgot him in the last chapter. The next chapter will hopefully be a bit longer. **


	3. Chapter 3

Who knew Gym class could be boring? Really. We had been sitting there for half an hour while our teacher tried to teach us how to meditate. Who tries to teach eleven and twelve year old how to meditate? The curriculum at the Aperture Middle School was somewhat strange sometimes.

"Breath in. Breath out. Breath in. Breath out. Clear your minds. Let the emptiness of nothingness fill you. Be one with the cosmos," Mrs. Garry said. Fifteen minutes of boredom later, the bell rang. We all got up. I had Algebra next. Apparently, this school had seen my grades from my previous school and deemed me too smart for the regular classes. As a result, I was in all advanced classes. Wheatley shared Algebra, Chemistry and Spanish with me. The triplets seemed to have all the same classes, and I sat next to Craig in History. Those were the only classes I had with my friends, though.

_Hey Wheatley_, I signed as I slid into the seat next to him.

"Hi Chell," he said.

_More of the Pythagorean Theorem today? _I asked.

"More of the what? I don't think I know that sign," he said. I didn't have a chance to tell him, though, because the bell rang, signaling the beginning of class. And yes, it was more of the Pythagorean Theorem. Halfway through class, Wheatley passed me a note.

_My birthday's soon. My Dad said I could invite my friends over for a party. Want to come? _it said. I quickly write back.

_Sure. I'll ask my parents. _I said. He wrote back a smiley face.

"What are the two of you doing?" Mr. Czapiga asked.

"Nothing," Wheatley said. I had put the note under my desk.

"Miss Whitaker. Do you have anything to add?" he asked.

_I don't think so, _I signed. I knew that Mr. Czapiga didn't have a clue about Sign Language.

"Please communicate in a way that I can understand. Preferably verbally," said the teacher.

"Hey, that's not fair. You know she's mute," Wheatley complained.

"I don't have any proof that she is mute. I don't believe what I can't prove," Mr. Czapiga said.

_And that explains why you're a math teacher, _I signed. He glared at me. Then he went back to continue the class.

At the end of the day, I sat next to Wheatley on the bus. We had found out that Orlena and Doug, who we sometimes talked to, also took this bus.

"'ello. Just looking for something. Oh. Found it," Wheatley produced a piece of paper from his backpack. "This is the more official looking invitation. I just got them all printed out in study hall."

The invitation was standard. Time, Address, RSVP. What struck me was that Wheatley lived in the rich side of town.

_You live in the rich area? _I signed.

"Um… yea. My Dad… isn't poor," he said, embarrassed. I decided not to push it.

The next day, we had a lab in Chemistry.

"We're going to try to replicate a type of Gel made by Aperture Science," said Ms. McLain. "It's designed to speed up how fast the average human can run when placed on the ground."

A kid called Sam raised her hand.

"Yes Samantha?"

"What's it called? And why aren't we doing a different one?" she asked.

"It's called Aperture Science Repulsion Gel and we can't do a different Gel because all of the other Gels are somewhat... lethal"

We went into the science lab and were told to find partners. I obviously partnered with Wheatley. I could see that Atlas and Penelope, who were also in this class, had paired up. As far as I knew, they had the same schedules. I saw Atlas raise his hand.

"What do the other Gels do to kill you?" he asked.

"I think that the Repulsion Gel disintegrates your skeleton while the Conversion Gel causes kidney failure. I'm not entirely sure because I haven't worked directly with Aperture for awhile," Ms. McLain said. Most of the groups' Gels were a fail. I'm pretty sure that the one Wheatley and I made worked, but Wheatley couldn't stay up on it long enough to find out.

After a few more classes, it was lunch time. Wheatley gave invitations to the rest of our group.

"How long is it gonna be? What should I wear? Why do you live in the rich sector?" Marie happily fired off her usual arsenal of questions. We didn't even have to answer her, she just kept going.

"Fact: The square root of rope is string," said Craig.

"That means 'yes'," said Lisa. "Quit embarrassing us, Craig. We're already known as nerds, and you have to go and spout out random stuff at random. That fact wasn't even true."

"That was mean, Lisa. Say you're sorry," said Mya.

"No. Hey Wheatley, will there be cake at the party?" Lisa asked. "I love cake."

"Yep," said Wheatley.

"Hey. Don't change the subject on me," complained Mya.

"Cake? Will it be space cake? Space cake is the best cake," Neil butted in. "Or astronaut cake. That would be better."

"What is your obsession with space, dude? Wouldn't your dad disappearing in space kinda deter you from liking that?" asked Rick.

"That's why I gotta go to space. I gotta find my space dad," Neil looked way too excited about space for that. Rick, Craig, Lisa, Wheatley and I all face palmed. Neil's dad had been an astronaut working for Aperture. In fact, all of us had at least one parent working for Aperture. I guess there is something to be said about Aperture running the school.

**Author's Note: Yay. Wheatley is turning twelve. If anyone is confused as to how to pronounce Czapiga, the z is pronounced like an h, so the cz would sound like a ch. I didn't make it up; it's Polish... I think. **

**P.S. I didn't break my promise. This chapter is longer than the last. The next one will probably be Wheatley's party. I tend to get writer's block, so if some chapters suck, sorry about that. **


	4. Chapter 4

I had a huge smile when I got onto the bus a few days before Halloween

"You look happy," Wheatley noted on the bus.

_I got on Student Council. The letter came yesterday, _I signed.

"Oh," Wheatley said, sounding disappointed. "I didn't get any letter."

_I'm sorry you didn't get on, Wheatley, _I signed. I usually didn't sign peoples' names because I had to spell them out.

"It's OK. We'll get to know who else made it on in Chemistry today. I hope at least a few of our friends did. Even Orlena signed up," he smiled, never in a bad mood for long. "Plus, my party's in a few days. October 31st." Wheatley had turned twelve last week. His family apparently planned parties way in advance.

_Why is it on Halloween? _I asked.

"Because my family's weird like that,"

Later, after we were all seated in homeroom, the announcements came on.

"Please rise for a moment of silence," Mr. Benoit, the secretary, said over the intercom. We stood for a few moments.

"Please join me in reciting the Pledge of Allegiance," I didn't join in. It was biased against anyone who didn't believe in God. I noticed that Wheatley didn't say the Pledge. He usually didn't, which made sense because he had only been living in America for a few months.

"Please be seated. Today is day four," our schedule ran on a five day cycle. "Student Council Announcements. The sixth graders who made it onto Student Council are Catherine Alaimo, Rebeccah Bryant, Craig Eccles, Lisa Eccles, Mya Eccles, Clara Fazzino, Amanda Gardner, Orlena Oak, Michelle Whitaker. The seventh graders are Aaron Bot, Penelope Bot, Brandon Calhoun, Amarinda Doskie, Emilene Doskie, Douglas Rattmann," I didn't listen to the rest. It was horrible enough that the Doskies had gotten on. And why in the world did Doug sign up? It made no sense. I tried to puzzle through it until lunch.

"We made it," Mya said, happier than I think I'd ever seen her before.

"All three triplets, Chell and Orlena. Quite an accomplishment for us. I say," said Rick. "Too bad I didn't get on. The ladies like a man who's in charge." He tried to wink at all of the girls at the table at the same time with horrible results.

_I think that "The ladies" here can figure out what they do and don't like, _I signed. Marie hi-fived me. We spent the rest of the lunch period talking about who likes who and which teachers suck and the usual school stuff.

A few days later, on Halloween to be exact, I was getting ready to go to a party. It was lucky that Halloween was on a Saturday this year.

"Chell, Wheatley's here to pick you up. It's time to go," my mom called from downstairs. I was just finishing getting into my Halloween costume. Wheatley had said that we all had to wear our costumes to the party to annoy his parents. I was a cat.

"Chell, you're so adorable," Mom swept me into a hug as soon as she saw me come down the stairs. I pulled away. Wheatley was in the room.

I'm not even at the party yet, and you're already embarrassing me, I signed. Since my mom didn't have a car, Wheatley's parents were picking me up.

"I guess we should go now then," Wheatley said.

**Author's Note: Hello. I've been posting alternating really short and normal length chapters, sorry about that. I get writer's block all the time, so I can never figure out something for the characters to do in between the really important stuff. I'll try to do better. It's probably obvious but the next chapter is going to be the party. **

**Also, a reply to a review. **

**GLaDOS Main Core: I actually got the last name Czapiga from one of my friends who has that last name. I'm pretty sure he's Polish. I don't actually speak Polish or anything like that. **


	5. Chapter 5

Knowing Wheatley, I never would've guessed that his family was rich. He didn't act like any of the other rich kids. He didn't even hang out with them.

Wheatley's mom was driving us. She didn't seem so bad, asking us about how school was going and such. Still, I was glad when we finally got to the party.

"We're home!" Wheatley said when we got to his house. He was dressed as a pirate.

_Great, _I signed. When we got inside, the triplets and Rick were already there. The triplets were all dressed up as scientists. Rick was an explorer.

"What's up?" Rick said as we got inside. "You wanna dance?" That was directed towards me. I glared at him and hoped he got the message.

"Where's the cake. Will it be soon?," Lisa asked.

"Don't worry there's cake," Wheatley said.

"Fact: Cake is a pastry first eaten by the Babylonians, who were very sick of eating bread," Craig said. We all just stared at him like he was crazy. "What?"

Just then, there was a knock at the door. Wheatley went to get it and returned with Sarah, Clara and Marie. Sarah and Clara seemed to be dressed up as the colors pink and blue. Marie was a bumblebee.

"How long's it gonna be? When are you gonna open the presents?" Marie was already firing off her usual arsenal of questions, her fake antennae bobbing up and down . "What kind of cake is it?"

"Cake?" Lisa asked. One moment she was the most rational person on the planet, the next she was ranting about cake. Yep. My friends were crazy.

"Well, as soon as Neil and Orlena get here, the party can start," Wheatley said, turning to check the clock on the wall. I saw a glint in his ear. I tapped his shoulder.

_Are you wearing an earring? _I signed.

"Oh um. Yea. Why," he rubbed his ear. It was simple, just a gold hoop, but he looked cute with it in.

_Just wondering. Is it a temporary or permanent earring? _I asked.

"Permanent. I don't usually wear it, though. Just at bedtime, really, to prevent it from closing. Do you like it?" he said.

_Yea, _I said. The doorbell rang then. It was Orlena.

"Oh my God, Orlena. You look amazing," Marie said. Her jaw had dropped down to the floor.

Orlena was dressed as an angel. She had bleached her already fair hair pure white, except for light reddish-lavender highlights. Her dress looked a bit like a roman toga, white with the first two inches of the bottom the same reddish-lavender as her hair. She also had feathered wings and a halo.

_W. O. W. _I signed, spelling out the entire word. Orlena blushed.

"Thanks," she said in a soft childlike voice. She rarely spoke, so it just added to the costume.

"Just wait 'till Neil gets here. Everyone'll be staring at Orlena the whole party," said Mya. When Neil arrived, he was an astronaut. Not surprising. The party started fairly well. Games happened, chaos ensued, etcetera. That is until Wheatley's dad got home. We were in the main kitchen (there were two others for some reason) about to cut the cake, when we heard yelling coming from the other room.

"I thought I told you to have the party over by the time I got home!" a man yelled.

"That's my Dad," Wheatley whispered. The rest of us had gone dead silent

"I'm sorry. It's just you never tell me when you-" Wheatley's mom broke off as his dad started yelling at her again.

"You know what the earliest time I get home is! This will not happen again!" he came into the kitchen.

"All of you! Out! Now!," he yelled. "Except for you, Wheatley, that is."

We all automatically got up.

"Sorry, mates. I forgot my Dad was coming home early tonight," Wheatley said.

_It's okay, _I signed.

"You there. Stop waving your arms around like an invalid," Wheatley's Dad said to me.

"Dad! She's talking in sign language," Wheatley protested.

"Whatever, just get out of here," we left and had to use the triplets' cell phones in turns to call our parents. I had Marie call for me. While Marie was talking to my Mom, I could hear Lisa complaining that there had been no cake to her father and Rick trying to convince his parents that he wasn't lying.

**Author's Note: Hello. The party is finished, and the cake is still a lie. If anybody is wondering about my choice of costume for Orlena, I will explain. All of the characters except for Chell had a costume relevant to their character. Rick was an adventurer because he loves adventure. Neil was an astronaut because of his space obsession. Wheatley was a pirate because he sort of tries to blow himself out of proportion, like I imagine a pirate would try to do. Marie is a bee because she's always moving around, doing something and asking questions. The triplets are scientists because Craig (Fact) and Lisa (Logic) seem like they would be the scientist based cores in the game (I am convinced that Logic has a virus) and Mya (Morality) because she seems to be the whys of science to me rather than the why nots of the other two (anybody who gets that reference gets cake). Chell was a cat because I felt like it. Orlena was an angel because she is the oracle, she sees things (no, not like Rattmann sees things, those are schizophrenic hallucinations). She is the one who brings light to what would otherwise have been left in the dark, etcetera. I can't explain it any better than that, sorry. **


End file.
